Thank goodness for Friends and Family

It is one week after the new liver. We are out of the hospital, comfortable, with the clothes we need, food, a comfortable place to stay and heal. We have Leah here tonight and Sarah just went home. Melissa is back with her family. I have read several emails and notes to the two of us from our friends and family members. Some of our friends - he has not met yet - like my new co- workers. But some like Mary, Kim, Adrienne and Melissa he knows well enough to tease, or feel that he needs to be anyone other then himself, even slipping in a sneak joke to make them laugh. They have seen the two of us through some really tough times and THEY STILL LIKE US. That is fabulous. I think some of my new friends are like them. Melissa already knows who Patsy is, she is one of the turtle sisters, even if she does not have the tattoo. The Administration and staff from my new school have given me orders to take care of Tim and they will make sure my students get the education they deserve! My supervisor and friend has even volunteered to teach my students about cellular respiration. I start to think of the move we made to be close to our Daughter and 3 granddaughters. I thought I would never find a place even close to the collaboration and positive environment at Mt. Baker a small district of 3000 students. I thought for sure in a school of 36oo students I would be isolated and alone. Tonight I am saying that good schools start with good staff, community, and administrators no matter what size they are.
There is much to be said for the freedom to be able to focus my energy on helping Tim heal. It is work, sometimes I slip into teacher voice with him. We have had some very heartfelt discussions about this, learning to talk, using signal words, understanding the differences in our roles as he heals. I do understand the stess illness puts on a relationship. I feel the weight of his getting better is now my responsiblity. He knows what he needs to do but the pain and his lack of strength don't allow him to do it. We each have our own methods to deal with the frustration and sometimes my method drives him crazy, or his frustration makes me feel like I am not doing enough. That is when you need friends and family who are honest enough to stand back, not take sides and help you both see the needs of the other. Melissa helped me see the busy work - the need to organize the apartment, was something I needed because I could control that, and not the wounds that were constantly weeping. Sarah and Leah helped me see that when Tim is frustrated he says my name differently. This allowed us to talk and see the need of the other and I think we have a chance to work together to get past this. Is this not what we do on a smaller scale in our homes, with our children, spouses. We do this at work, with our friends and with our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers. I want to tell you all, it is good to stop, know that 99% of the people we love really have our best interest at heart. They are not trying to hurt us, manipulate us, get the best of us. Yes sometimes that does happen, usually when we are teenagers and the frontal lobe - reasoning, logic, problem solving, risk managment - is still developing. The real problem is that after 25 when it is developed and we are more reasonable, we remember the emotions from those times, and they color our relationships. Even when you are 57 years old and should know better. So where is this going? Working through the stressful times together means slowing down, listening to others, looking at the situation again and trusting those who are in the boat with you. Tim and I have learned long ago that when we blow off some steam to start with, we have to leave it, then later we can get past the emotions and understand. Just to be safe though - I am usually right- or at least that is something we can both laugh at now, and he does. It is good to give him credit. Collaboration is constructive and produces much better results than working in isolation. This is true in work, relationships and in life.

So tonight listen to someone else and hear their heart, not just their words.